I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
