my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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