it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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