But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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