it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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