WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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