we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
