he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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