I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
