I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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