There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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