Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
