We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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