Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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