Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
