i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
