i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
