i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
