Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
