Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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