I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
