At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
