I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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