He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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