Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Plan B is the new Plan A
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
