I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
