I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
