I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
