We need to rekindle our bromance
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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