I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
