If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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