hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
