I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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