I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
