I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
