Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
