The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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