Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
