tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
