he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
