And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
