I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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