Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
