we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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