She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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