He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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