So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
