3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
