Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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