I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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