I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
