So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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