All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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