I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
