Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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