I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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